I'm Only Twenty-Four...So Why Do I Feel 40?

It's been a while since I've written and feel this post is long overdue. Growing up I have been surrounded by adults and always remember them saying for every birthday, I can't believe how old I am. I always rolled by eyes and thought that they were crazy. I finally understand what, particularly the women, were talking about. I cannot believe I'm 24! I feel like it was yesterday when I was running around town with my friends at 15 and didn't have a care in the world. How did time pass so quickly!?! I can feel depression creeping up on me and don't know how to stop it. Since the last time I wrote a lot has changed in my life. I am taking 19 units this semester (FML), and had to quit both of the conflicting jobs that I had. I have also decided to change majors. Again. I can feel the support system in my life slipping and can feel the gossip behind my back. I don't want to be a fuck up. I don't want to disappoint my family. But I want to do what I feel is right and necessary for myself in order to be happy in the long run. I know that life is not easy, believe me I have found this out the hard way, but I am still holding on strong to my belief that you can find a career that makes you happy. A job where you jump out of bed in the morning because you are so excited to go to work. The problem is I have no idea what job that might be. Teaching does not fit the mold anymore. If I were to become a teacher I feel that it would be settling because it's an easy job to get. I started imagining my life as a teacher and it only made me depressed. I hate school, why would I want to be stuck in a classroom for the rest of my life? I am excited about finding a new career path. I am thinking about communications or marketing as a major and have read that there are tons of job prospects with either degree option. No one talks about how hard it is for a women in their twenties. Like I said in previous posts, growing up is very weird, confusing, and hard. I just can't seem to find a path and my anxiety always seems to pop up at the times when I'm already stressed enough. I look at people my age and wonder how they do it. Maybe they hide it really well but how are they able to get through life without any worries and find exactly where they fit in this world. I try to look at the bright side of life and how blessed I am, but right now, I can't seem to find myself and get back to the real me. I guess all that I can do is hope that I am helping others who are going through the same thing through my writing.

Life is Short...

Too many people have been lost. As I sit here and say goodbye to yet another high school alum, I think about the days when we were all innocent and had the rest of our lives ahead of us. I think about all the familiar faces and how much time has passed. I think about how much people have changed throughout the years. How different I perceived their life turning out to be. How different they probably thought their life would be. I feel sad for those that were lost along the way and my heart aches for those who are just as lost as I am. Growing up is a very weird experience. For some it can destroy them. For others it can take them places they never expected or predicted. Personally I try my best to look at each day as a new beginning. A new opportunity to fulfill dreams and goals. Looking back through my yearbook, there are too many faces that have disappeared, lost in the world or up above watching over us. It only breaks my heart even more to know that more and more will slowly fade away. I guess you expect to lose people in your life, I only wish it wasn't at such young ages. They all had so much a head of them. They also had dreams and goals they wanted to accomplish, and just like that, they are gone. Life is short. Too short. So take the time to tell the ones you love that you love them. Cherish the memories we make every day. Live each day as though it's your last. Make every second count. Above all have no regrets.

RIP Jesse, Kelcie, Devin, Casie, Ryan, Mike, Henry, Paul, Danny, Ashlyn, and anyone else that was taken far too young.

No Regrets

Have you ever thought about where you would be had you made one decision a different choice? I've thought about this at moments throughout my life. What if I had gotten decent grades in high school? Would I have gone straight to a university instead of screwing around in community college? Would I have had a better indication on what I wanted out of life? Would I have had better opportunities? I don't know where life would've taken me had I made different choices throughout my life. All that I know is I believe in Fate. I believe that everything happens for a reason and I choose to live by it. For example, the end of my sophmore year of high school, I was kicked off the cheerleading squad. Most of you will say, big effing deal. To me it was the end of the world. Cheerleading was all that I had. Fast forward a couple months to the summer before my junior year in high school. I went to a friends house and met the man of my dreams and eight years later, we are still going strong. Get to the point, well if I had not been kicked off cheer, I would've never met my boyfriend. I would've had cheer practice early the next day, and not have been able to go to the friends house who introduced us. When you get down on yourself for making a "mistake", try looking at it in a different way. That mistake just might be the best thing to ever happen to you. For me, getting kicked off cheer not only led me to the love of my life, but also changed my life and made me into the person that I am today. Live life to the fullest and have no regrets!

Optimism Holds the Key to Happiness

Along with pursuing my new dream of becoming an author, I also own and operate my own business. I am one of the lucky people who will not be satisfied working a job I am not happy in, just for the money. I have even been quoted by my boyfriend saying, "I don't care if we live in a cardboard box, as long as we are happy, healthy, and together". Being the sole owner and backbone of a business is definitely hard work and very stressful, but totally worth it. I get to wake up every day and do what I love. How many people get to say that? I truly believe that if everyone was in a job that they loved, then this world would be a better place. Maybe there wouldn't be world peace or anything, but there would definitely be less road rage, less divorce and deadbeat Dads, less abuse and less violence. I understand that not everyone has that choice, but what we do have is the ability to take a different outlook on our current situations. Whenever you are stressed, upset, depressed, angry, and hating life, just remember: it could always be worse. Make a choice, right here and right now, to look at life optimistically. Take more time for yourself, spend more time with your family, and remember to enjoy the wonderful little things that life has to offer. Before you take your anger out on someone else, stop and think about what they might be going through.
"Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope and confidence." - Helen Keller
amyjohnsen.com

Epiphany

I woke up this morning and had an epiphany about my life. Jumping out of bed I looked in the mirror and said to myself, "I don't want to be a teacher anymore". Well, this is only half true. I do want to be a teacher, but I don't want teaching to be my ultimate career goal. Feeling deja vu all over again, (I had had an epiphany once before during my freshman year of college changing from interior design to dance) fear rushed over my body as I realized I did not know what I wanted to do with my life. Sitting down in front of the computer I decided to take random quizzes to see what my career path should be. Obviously a computer generated quiz was not going to answer my question. So I sat for a long time looking at the sky and thinking what I wanted out of life. Where I wanted to live, how much time I wanted to have with my non existent children, and did I want to spend the majority of my day teaching in a classroom or working in an office? No. So I asked myself the question one more time: what do I want to do with my life? The answer, write. I have always loved writing. From creating fiction stories to writing songs and poems. Every essay I have written throughout college has gotten great reviews and grades. So it is decided. I am going to become a writer and what better place to begin than to have my own blog. Warning to the organized: I am very spontaneous, hence the name of the blog, so my topics will be random but full of optimism (unless I'm in a bad mood) and creativity. I hope you all enjoy my Spontaneous State of Mind!