The Realization That Death is Inevitable...

It has been quite a while since my last post so let me catch you up on what's been going on in my life as of late. I found an amazing job as an internet marketer! At times it can be repetitive and boring, being in front of a computer screen all day, but I don't have someone hovering over my shoulder and have freedom to market the company as I see fit. I'm making the most of it as it could lead to amazing opportunities, possibly starting my own business marketing companies through social media. This is also directly in line with the new major that I picked, communications-journalism. A couple of weeks into the new job and my grandmother fell and broke her hip. Long story short, she's been in a nursing home for the past couple of years and this inevitable fall lead to her death. Going through only the second death I've had to deal with (both of them being within a year from each other) made my crazy mind start thinking about death and the inevitability of it. I know that I am once again a late bloomer in this department, but I can't stop thinking how scary death is. How scary it is that we will all die one day. Going through this and having non-stop thoughts about death started making me question my faith in God. I have always been a strong believer in a higher being and that when we die, our spirit lives on in another world. Well you can imagine the surprise and shock that I had when my mind started wondering what if that weren't true. What if we don't go anywhere when we die, what if it is just a never ending black abyss, and what if there is no God and therefore, no purpose for us being here? What if we were just an "accident"? I felt as though I was suffocating with doubt. One day I woke up and decided that enough was enough. I know that I am "depressed" but A. refuse to let it control my life and B. refuse to stifle any emotion with medication. Happiness is a mood, not a destination. Happiness comes and goes and so does depression. Coming to this realization has helped me through this scary and lonely state of mind and I know that who I am and who I am about to be are all that matters. As hard as it is sometimes, I need to live in the now and be happy with my life, because we only get one.